January 25, 2013


I just watched a short video called "The Invisible Woman". I cried near the end as it so closely hits home for me. I had read in a book over a year ago how some women (especially an overweight one like myself) feel almost invisible to those around them. Wow. That really touches a nerve with me. I think for a very long time I have felt so invisible. No one REALLY cares if I am around. No one REALLY wants to listen to me talk. Even though my body is so big, my influence is so little, it seems. People don't care about the stories I find funny or cute or serious. No one really knows the "me" I am.

I guess what I long for intensely is intimacy. Sure, I'm married, but I don't mean intimacy of the sexual kind. I long for someone to know me. I don't think Larry could ever tell you what my deepest fear is or my greatest joy. No one could. That's what I long for. Intimacy. I have it with God, yes. But I really want a person-to-person intimate friend. I have it most with Michelle. She's the one I am certainly most real with. Maybe that's what I need to cultivate...the time spent with her to become more open with another human being, not being afraid to really tell what inside this head of mine.

God help me on this journey. I know it'll be for the best even through some pain. :)

1 comment:

  1. Hi Billie -
    This blog brought a tear to my eye, too. I think we all have been in this place a time or two before and it is lonely. For what it's worth, I have always enjoyed visiting with you and found what you had to say very interesting. I only wished when we do get together there was more time to visit. What a shame to have such a busy life as we seem to. A person sometimes never knows how much they really mean to another, because we are too busy to stop and say it! Well Billie - I'm stopping for a minute or two to tell you how much you mean to me and to thank you for your friendship. You're a truly wonderful person and I love you just the way you are!! Carrie Opdahl, Fessenden


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