January 25, 2013


I am so in love with the era of the 1940's. Why? I'm not so sure. I think I love that "feel" of the age's romance. That romance of a true hero rescuing a lady of the time. The men looked so honorable, and the women looked like they were having so much fun! I know that isn't the reality. I'm sure of it since it was also the day of food rationing, men dying at war, and other sad and horrible things. Thank God for delivering us from those hard times! But I still love that exciting feel of the big band days, the grandeur of attending a movie when it was not so commonplace. I love the look of the war planes, the handsome soldiers, the confident young women going off to work for themselves for some of the first times in history. It's just fun to look at.

What's more exciting than looking at a 1940's scene????? Getting a chance to LIVE it! My hope is to plan a 1940's themed party for the bank's Heritage Club. I don't have a date or anything truly planned yet, but it's in the works. This'll be so fun. Here's to hoping my reality turns out as great as the thoughts in my head!!!! :)


I just watched a short video called "The Invisible Woman". I cried near the end as it so closely hits home for me. I had read in a book over a year ago how some women (especially an overweight one like myself) feel almost invisible to those around them. Wow. That really touches a nerve with me. I think for a very long time I have felt so invisible. No one REALLY cares if I am around. No one REALLY wants to listen to me talk. Even though my body is so big, my influence is so little, it seems. People don't care about the stories I find funny or cute or serious. No one really knows the "me" I am.

I guess what I long for intensely is intimacy. Sure, I'm married, but I don't mean intimacy of the sexual kind. I long for someone to know me. I don't think Larry could ever tell you what my deepest fear is or my greatest joy. No one could. That's what I long for. Intimacy. I have it with God, yes. But I really want a person-to-person intimate friend. I have it most with Michelle. She's the one I am certainly most real with. Maybe that's what I need to cultivate...the time spent with her to become more open with another human being, not being afraid to really tell what inside this head of mine.

God help me on this journey. I know it'll be for the best even through some pain. :)